Nigerian bank scam, part 1

Posted by Ric on 28.08.03

In December 2002, several sites reporting technology news wrote some lightweight page filler about which spam e-mails were considered to be the most annoying of the past year. Each of these ranked the Nigerian bank scam to be amongst the top ten, which annoyed me somewhat, as despite the vast quantities of spam mail I recieve, I had been cruelly overlooked by this particular one. However, for the past 8 months or so I have been receiving about 40 Nigerian bank scam e-mails per day. (Anyone who has yet to get one of these: 1, 2, 3, 4.) They are getting increasingly repetitive, with multiple spammers recycling the same template rather than creating their own as was the case when I was initially sent them. Inspired by a pro-active response to spam posted on the forum, I decided to be of assistance in adding a little variety and panache to the cause.

I did this by registering a new Hotmail and AIM address and messaging people who I know to have also received countless similar e-mails, with the intention of something vaguely humourous resulting. When adding the new addresses to Trillian, I inadvertantly clicked the wrong button, messaging all of my existing contacts who were online at the time. Neither meaning to do so nor being quite ready, these conversations were not quite as successful as I had initially planned.

DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: GREETINGS
Disorder: yeah?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: IT IS WITH A MOST URGENT AND TRUSTWORTHY BUSINESS TRANSACTION THAT I CONTACT YOU
Disorder: you have 20 secs and im going
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: PLEASE FORGIVE THIS UNUSUAL MEDIUM FOR BUSINESS BUT SPEED IS OF THE ESSENCE
Disorder: 15 seconds
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: YOU HAVE BEEN RECOMMENDED TO ME FROM MY CONTACTS HERE IN NIGERIA AND I OFFER YOU 15% OF THE SUM OF $622.125.500 US DOLLARS
Disorder: lol
Disorder: yeah, cool
Disorder: later
*** slipknot_paul666@hotmail.com signed off at Tue Aug 26 19:02:49 2003

& i scratched my knees, they bled: who the fuck are you?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: GREETINGS
& i scratched my knees, they bled: ...
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: YOU MAY FIND IT UNUSUAL THAT I CONTACT YOU AS WE HAVE NEVER MET OR SPOKEN BEFORE BUT I CONTACT YOU WITH A MOST URGENT AND TRUSTWORTHY BUSINESS TRANSACTION
& i scratched my knees, they bled: no shit.
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: YOU COME WITH THE RECOMENDATION OF MY CONTACTS HERE IN NIGERIA.
& i scratched my knees, they bled: i hate you
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: I HAVE BEEN AUTHORISED TO OFFER YOU THE SUM OF 15% OF $622.125.500 US (SIX HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO MILLION ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE AND A HALF THOUSAND DOLLARS)
& i scratched my knees, they bled: i dont give a fucking shit
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: I AM THE SON OF A RICH FARMER HERE IN NIGERIA WHO IS SUFFERING THE RESULT OF TROUBLES MOST HANOUS AND DISPICABLE
& i scratched my knees, they bled: i'm blocking you . you're an idiot
*** sugarfalls_@hotmail.com signed off at Tue Aug 26 19:06:15 2003

(In other news, everyone I know is antisocial.)

Vicki: sorry, who are you?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: I AM DR ISIOMA WILLIAMS OF THE NIGERIAN GOVERMENT PETROLIUM CORPORATION
Vicki: oh right, how can I help?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: YOU MUST FORGIVE THIS UNUSUAL FORM OF BUSINESS TRANSACTION FORMAT BUT YOUR DETAILS WERE PASSED ON TO ME BY ONE OF MY CONTACTS
Vicki: Ok
Vicki: What type of business?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: TROUBLES IN MY COUNTRY HAVE FORCED REGIME CHANGE AND MY LIFE IS NOW IN FEAR
Vicki: oh dear
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: I PLAN TO ESCAPE WITH MY COLEAGUES AND WE HAVE GATHERED THE SUM OF $625.125.500 US (SIX HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO MILLION ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE AND A HALF THOUSAND DOLLARS) OF WHICH I AM AUTHORISED TO OFFER YOU 15%
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: IN ORDER TO DO THIS WE NEED TO HAVE YOUR WESTERN BANK ACCOUNT AS MONEY CN ONLY BE TRANSFERED BY WIRE TRANSFER
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: CAN I TRUST FOR YOU URGENT ASSISTANCE IN THIS TRUSTWORTHY AND IMPORTANT BUSINESS TRANSACTION AS MY CONTACTS HERE IN NIGERIA HAVE SAID YOU COULD?
Vicki: what type of doctor are you?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: I AM A DOCTOR OF THE PETROLIUM EXPLORATION HERE IN MY COUNTRY
Vicki: Can you aquire nuclear weapons?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: THIS TRANSACTION IS FOR THE TRANSFER OF MONIES ONLY AND IS ENTIRELY TRUSTWORTHY
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: ALL MODALITIES OF THIS TRANSACTION HAVE BEEN WORKED OUT AND ONCE STARTED WILL NOT TAKE MORE THAN 10 WORKING DAYS, WITH YOUR FULL SUPPORT. THIS TRANSACTIONIS 100% RISK FREE.
Vicki: is this allowed under international law?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: CAN YOU FORWARD ME TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION PLEASE?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: THIS IS FOR THE PROTECTION OF MY AND MY COLLEAGUES ONLY IN THIS BRUTAL AND DISPICABLE TIME OF DANGER AND MONIES ARE FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT AND EFFORTS IN YOUR ASSISTANCE
Vicki: How about anthrax?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: THE MATTER IS ONLY FOR MONIES IN THE AMOUNT STATED OF $625.125.500 US
Vicki: oh, how did you get the money?
DR. ISIOMA WILLIAMS: WITH OUR POSITIONS ON THE BOARD OF THE GOVERNMENT PETROLIUM CORPORATION, WE ON THE BOARD HAVE SUCCESSFULLY SECURED FOR OURSELVES THE MENTIONED SUM OF UNITED STATES DOLLARS. THIS AMOUNT WAS CAREFULLY MANIPULATED BY OVER-INVOICING OF AN OLD CONTRACT.
Vicki: That does not sound legal
Vicki: I don't want to be part in anything illegal
*** You have been disconnected. Tue Aug 26 19:33:42 2003

At this moment, my internet connection crashed, though this fitted rather well as to all appearences the conversation ended when it proved unfruitful. Vicki on the other hand was planning to milk the conversation for an article of her own, which had the benefit of allowing me to get a little better at this. Extortion is much harder than it looks.

The piece de la resistance will follow. Further conversations and the out-takes are on the forum.