I wish to apologise to any band whose crappy attempts at cashing in on their fan's loyalty I might have slated via any medium of communication: even the Powerman5000 Lego figures were mere child's play compared to Marillions' evil empire.
Having not heard terribly much of Marillion's music but knowing the name I decided to sign up for the free "Crash course: an introduction to Marillion" CD. I sent my details to the email address that was listed and got an automated response saying "Hi, thanks for your interest in Marillion. We will post your free CD to you in about 3 to 4 months."
You can't really complain when it is a free CD, so I happily got on with my life and utterly forgot I was waiting for the CD. I got a couple of emails sent to the entire Marillion mailing list but I get so many emails from random bands; the vast majority I have not heard of let alone signed up to hear about, that I didn't really notice.
Then I got an email that surprised me:
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL: For Attention of Marillion eWeb Members Only
Many of the regulars on our Marillion Online Forums have been speculating about an online quiz website, ww.musicalmystery.com which asks contestants to identify a 'mystery artist'. As many of you have guessed (after hearing some familiar sound clips!), the band in question is Marillion.
So why all the secrecy?
The purpose of this promotional website is to get as many non-Marillion fans as possible to hear - and hopefully convert
to - our music in the lead-up to the Marbles album launch. We have over 5000 registered users and very few will have guessed
the band is Marillion.
But now that you know it's us, we are asking for your help get even more people playing the quiz - and consequently hearing our music. Here's how you can help out:
1) Get all your friends, family and colleagues to register and play the quiz at www.musicalmystery.com
2) Go to online forums and message boards that you frequent and post questions about www.musicalmystery.com to try and get them playing.
3) MOST IMPORTANTLY - do NOT let anyone else know it's Marillion. You have the upper hand in the quiz already, and we want people to hear Marillion anonymously and without any preconceptions!
I had no preconceptions of Marillion when I signed up to get the CD; I knew the name and wanted to hear them. But by this point I was a little less sure I wanted to be a part of Marillion's plans for world domination.
Then the CD arrived in an envelope with the band's logo and website address is huge letters across the top left corner; which was fine as it meant I knew what my mail was before I opened it, in the same way that the huge letters saying "get 4.67% apr" or something along those lines means I am getting more unwanted credit card offers.
Saying the CD arrived is slightly misleading, the CD was in there, but to find it I had to get through the random bits of paper: first the world tour dates - which is neat as having heard the CD I might indeed want to go see Marillion, then the HUGE catalogue of Marillion merchandise - which is justifiable but perhaps jumping the gun a little.
Then came the "official Marillion information service" flier which depicted hundreds of almost identical people all looking at me, on the reverse is the space for your credit card so you can pay £10 a year(within the UK) for a couple of newsletters and information on pub meets, oh and special access to part of the website.
My personal favourite is the Marillion "front row club" which can provide your fix of official bootlegs, for £80 you can get 3 club-only releases. Having seen the people on Ebay who will pay vast amounts to own everything their favourite band has produced there must be a pretty big take-up on these sorts of offers; it just seems a little bit over the top.
It is hard making a living purely by being in a band but at what point do the extras stop being a necessary means of survival and start treating the fan as a cash cow?
