Jentina is the latest in a long series of music industry mistakes. Earlier this month, her record company contacted me and asked if I was interested in heading an online campaign to run in conjunction with a television campaign to promote their "latest exciting urban signing". I watched the video they had enclosed and replied that it would be unfair for me to take their money for what I was about to do to them.
The whole video is shot in the streets of a sprawling urban metropolis. (Note that Jentina hails from Surrey.) It begins with the kind of shot that one sees in e-mail spams advertising exciting opportunities to "SPY ON GIRLS 24 HOURS A DAY!" The level of class she displays here sucking her thumb is only transient, and ebbs as soon as she opens her mouth. For the majority of the video she stands on the spot looking miserable while throwing shapes in the house of dance. Her diction is so poor that it allows her to rhyme any words she chooses, like "Zanzibar" and "creeps".
Clockwise from top left: 1. Further impression that she is street 4 LIFE is given by the camera panning through steam from nearby vents at edgy angles 2. General face pulling and gesticulating more than is strictly necessary 3. This hand signal indicates that people telephone her, so even if you don't buy her single she's still popular so there 4. Here Jentina appears to be grimacing and pointing at the cause, but she is actually just pulling her face and waving her arms about again 5. Here she is seen doing the perennial wedding party favourite, the funky gibbon 6. The viewer is then treated to a close-up of her bony bottom.
I visited her website and was amused to read amongst the "Coming soon!" announcements that she was born in a caravan and is one of fourteen children. Had I come to learn of her by any other means I would believe that this was an elaborate spoof; as it is, it's probably not. Those visitors who did not have the benefit of this introduction seem split as to whether it's serious, as her forum attests.
Evidently I am not the target audience; that elevated position appears to be held by xXcattyXx, 16, from Woking, just like Jentina. This may appear a limited market, but the population of Woking on census day 2001 was 89,840. If all 89,840 citizens of Woking are like this (and all the evidence thus far does point to this) then she is made.
xXcattyXx included a link to her website. It is from this that the above profile is taken. To save anyone the effort of trying to read that, she says that she doesn't like people who don't like her, she (redundantly) states that she is not doing well at school, and she wants you to send her hot naked pics. Her e-mail address is baybee_2_dizzie@hotmail.com.
(Part two)
