Velvet Acid Christ to write new Harry Potter soundtrack

Posted by Vicki on 04.01.05

For immediate release:

The story of Harry Potter is one that illustrates triumph over adversity, how an underdog can gain the respect and fear of his peers if not their acceptance.

Harry shaped the world in his own image using his special powers, so it seemed only fitting that to complement this the soundtrack to Harry's latest big budget cinema adventures should be lovingly fashioned by someone who has spectacularly failed to get anyone to care about his work since the mid 1990s.

Since the Harry Potter novels have somehow managed to appeal to disillusioned goths who are seeking a magical world where they won't be mocked for raiding their mother's makeup drawer and wearing too much fake velvet it was felt that employing the services of a gothic artist would only widen the films support base. This would ensure that Harry's magic infects the largest possible audience as well as challenging modern perceptions of what is suitable for children.

Finding an artist who had as high regard for his fans as J. K. Rowling does was never going to be easy, but fortunately the studio had a lot of time to kill whilst the teen stars of the previous Harry Potter films got over their 'health' problems.

A spokesman for Warner Bros. said, "We had initially considered hiring Skinny Puppy, but Bryan Erickson [Velvet Acid Christ] is so much better. He told me so himself." Normally brilliance is only recognised after the artists death, or completetion of a decent album, but in this case we shall just hope that this premature recognition hastens the occurance of at least one of these events.

When asked for her views on Velvet Acid Christ's impact on the progression of both music and contemporary culture J. K. Rowling said, "No comment," but was heard to say something about "oversampled shit" as she walked away.

Note to editors: further information: Bryan Erickson, +1.7205420305