Meet my colleagues 2

Posted by Ric on 07.09.06

I prefer fat women. I spend roughly £15 per day on cakes and biscuits for general consumption. Six women in the office have so far gained 14lbs each.

You may remember me from the previous article. I phone my cats at regular intervals throughout the day, as I believe that they will get lonely and upset without me. I say things like, "Don't worry, mummy is coming home soon." I am single at 42 because I wanted to have a career. I recently joined a gym to letch at a specific married man whom I stalk. I have no friends outside work, and two in work. This Summer, I went on holiday to Cyrpus on my own. Still, at least I have my cats.

Some slightly questionable photographs that periodically circulate show that 20 years ago, I was very attractive.

From the monent I arrive at work until the moment I leave, I constantly break wind, like I have a slow puncture in my bottom. I push a pen across my desk, then raise slightly from the seat in retrieving it. It is then that I strike! I think I am being very sly in doing this.

Next week, my daughter starts university. I asked everyone in the I.T. department if they could secretly hook up a webcam so that I can spy on her 24/7. (I do not understand that secretly watching my daughter does not prevent her from doing things of which I disaprove, but merely enables me to see them.) Really though, I have no cause to worry, as my daughter is monstrously ugly.